Let’s talk long-term goals. I’m not referring to goals I want to achieve in 5 years, I’m talking about goals I want to accomplish by December 31, 2013. I have some goals in mind, like losing 10% of my starting weight and quitting smoking, but those goals do not have a time limit.
I have 3 major goals that I want to reach by the end of this year. These may not seem that important to you, but to me, they are essential. As you’ve probably read before, I need to be motivated. And, as you’ve also probably read before, I’m quite depressed. Lack of motivation and depression go hand-in-hand. When you see those commercials for anti-depressants, take a closer look. The drug companies aren’t lying. Those commercials do give a very accurate picture of depression. I feel that setting these long-term goals will be motivating for me. For once, I’ll have a purpose.
Goal #1 – I intend to get back into the pool by the end of 2013.
Way back in 4th and 5th grade, I was a competitive swimmer. I have no idea why I gave it up. Most likely, I quit because of the cost. I belonged to a local, private swim club that was comprised not only of kids like me, but also a lot of snooty kids. I believe it cost about $200 for the year and my middle-class parents couldn’t afford to send me anymore.
The pool was 25 yards long with 8 lanes and was housed at my high school. I still remember the smell of the pool when I walked into the big, steamy room. It smelled like chlorine of course, but not a strong, unpleasant bleach smell. Anytime I walk into a pool room now, the smell brings me back and I long to be in it.
A lap pool feels like home to me. Swimming was the one athletic activity that I was good at. And from what I remember, I was really good. My parents used to tell me that when they’d watch from the bleachers, people would comment to them about my performance. I love feeling strong and able when I pull myself through the water.
Though I’m out of shape now, I still consider myself a swimmer. I always will. However, the last time I swam at the Y, I felt like a fool. I couldn’t swim the whole way across without stopping and catching my breath. I’m sure that is due to my being obese and the smoking. Although my last attempt was so pitiful, I have every intention of getting back into the pool and I really hope to do that by the end of 2013.
Goal #2 – I will be a size 16 by the end of 2013
To most people, a size 16 wouldn’t be something to work towards. To me, getting into a size 16 would be an accomplishment. I’m currently a size 18/20. Eighteen for some brands, twenty for others. The last time I wore a size 16 was about 5 years ago.
There are a couple reasons why I picked this size. First, I feel like it is a number that is attainable by the end of this year. If I’d said a size 10, I know for certain that I would not be able to wear that size by December 31 of 2013. Secondly, I feel that when I can fit into a size 16, it will finally start looking like I’ve lost weight.
Goal #3 – I will apply for college by the end of 2013
This is a huge goal for me. I’ve known for quite some time that I need to go back to school. I did get a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education, however, I don’t like teaching. It was a bad choice for me. I’m so lost right now, I’m not quite sure what I want to do. I’m terrified of making a mistake again and having nothing to show for it except student loan debt.
I’m leaning towards two very different career paths, either medical or finance. I intend to make a decision soon and apply for college. If I take classes, I feel like I will appear to be taking charge of my life. It’s important for me to do well in life, but I also must admit that it is important to me to have others see that I’m not a screw-up.
That’s what I feel like right now, a big screw-up. My counselor and co-workers keep telling me that people aren’t making fun of me about my status, but I can’t get that thought out of my head. I hate telling people that I am a 31 year old living at home with her parents, with no relationship, no social life, and no friends. (Okay, I exaggerated a bit, I have some friends, but not many.) I feel like I can’t meet new friends or a boyfriend, not only because I’m fat, but also because I am going nowhere. I need to move on. I think the way to do that is to go back to school and find a career that not only brings me enjoyment, but also financial security.
These are my three big goals for the end of 2013. I sincerely hope to accomplish each and possibly bring a little happiness into my life. Maybe 2013 will be my best year in a long time!