Some Advice Please!

I’m looking for a little relationship advice.  I’m not actually in a relationship.  It’s more “relationship-that-I-want-to-be-in” advice that I’m requesting.  I’m not going to go into my whole relationship history because it is boring and pathetic.  But I do want to talk about one guy in particular.

This man, I’ll call him “Steve”, has been my friend for years.  I met him when I was younger and weighed much less than I do now.  I don’t want to sound over-confident, but I knew when I was first introduced to him that he was interested in me.  He was really flirtatious.  We became friends and about five months later, I started to get interested in him too.  On the phone one night, he told me I was beautiful.  It was so sincere, there was no ulterior motive behind his words.

One night at a party, we kissed and that’s when our friendship started to evolve.  We went on a date with another couple.  Shortly after that, I met someone else (Andy) and started seeing him.  I didn’t bother to tell Steve though, as I thought it was just casual and I figured I’d date both men and figure out who I felt the strongest connection with.  You can imagine how that must have turned out.

A few weeks into seeing Andy, Steve found out.  When Steve’s friend, Cory, IMed me one night, he told me that he was upset that Steve and I didn’t work out.  Cory and Steve had talked and they agreed that they didn’t expect me to do something like that.  I felt terrible.  It turned out that Steve genuinely liked me and Andy was looking for someone to hook up with.

Eventually we did become friends again, but it’s always been a “unique” friendship.  There were a few times after the incident when we’d be drinking and we’d kiss and he would say such sweet things to me.  I always felt something when we kissed.  No one else ever made me feel like him.

We continued to talk all the time.  We were always IMing each other.   Even after we’d graduated college, we stayed in contact, which was not the case with the majority of my college friends.  I always felt very close to him and comfortable with him.  And I always wanted to date him again.

Over the past four years we’ve grown apart though.  I really, really miss him.  We’re “friends” on Facebook, but that’s where it ends.  We don’t talk on the phone, we don’t send messages,  we don’t hang out.  He’s moving forward, I’m stuck in neutral.  It hurts to think that he’s given up on me.  I never expected him to forget about me.  I can’t contact him, I’m too terrified of rejection and awkward silence.

This is where I need relationship advice.  Do I give up on him too?  Do I actually like him or am I just attracted to the fact that he’s the only person who ever really liked me?  Should I put myself out there and try to meet someone else?


5 thoughts on “Some Advice Please!

  1. whatguysreallythink

    First of all, if you’re comfortable expressing difficult emotions semi-publicly I’d imagine you are further along in figuring out what to do with this situation than you think. Caring a lot about an outcome can sometimes delay action. But of course it does. This decision would be easy to make if the stakes were low for you. Get ready for me to drop a huge cliche on you – (huge cliche–>) ‘In the end, what we regret the most are the chances we never took.” You have a great opportunity here. Your choice is of fairly low risk. If you put yourself out there and the return is not what you had hoped, life will essentially stay the same for you. For me, rejection is like a hangover. When you’re in it, it feels like it will never end. But it always does.

    You are, however, the only one that can truly evaluate whether it is worth pursuing this person or not. I will say though, he is not the only person to have ever liked you. It’s a silly thought, so push it out of your head. Putting yourself out there can be extremely scary, but then again so is just about everything. Don’t deny yourself happiness by being afraid of being unhappy. It’s a vicious cycle.

    I wish you the best.

    1. Miss Anonymous Post author

      Thank you for your input on the situation. Everything you’ve said makes a lot of sense. I’m trying to work up my courage to say something. I really appreciate your input!

  2. weightlossmummy

    I absolutely agree .. the only way you’re going to know what he thinks and how he feels is by asking him and putting yourself out there. That cliche quoted by whatguysreallythink just about hit the nail on the head! ‘In the end, what we regret the most are the chances we never took.”

    I suspect on some level you know how you feel about Steve, and if you think he’s worth it and that you two could really have something then you should at least try!

    Rejection is hard, but it’s a chance we take when we put ourselves out there … it sucks if/when rejection happens .. but what’s the alternative? To never put ourselves out there, to live a life half lived and never take chances? I think you’ve already been pretty brave by posting here, and I think no matter the outcome at least you wouldn’t always wonder ‘what if?’

    Good luck 🙂 X

  3. Pingback: Success! | Little Resolutions

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