Long-Term Goals

Let’s talk long-term goals.  I’m not referring to goals I want to achieve in 5 years, I’m talking about goals I want to accomplish by December 31, 2013.  I have some goals in mind, like losing 10% of my starting weight and quitting smoking, but those goals do not have a time limit.

I have 3 major goals that I want to reach by the end of this year.  These may not seem that important to you, but to me, they are essential.  As you’ve probably read before, I need to be motivated.  And, as you’ve also probably read before, I’m quite depressed.  Lack of motivation and depression go hand-in-hand.  When you see those commercials for anti-depressants, take a closer look.  The drug companies aren’t lying.  Those commercials do give a very accurate picture of depression.  I feel that setting these long-term goals will be motivating for me.  For once, I’ll have a purpose.

Goal #1 – I intend to get back into the pool by the end of 2013.  

Way back in 4th and 5th grade, I was a competitive swimmer.  I have no idea why I gave it up.  Most likely, I quit because of the cost.  I belonged to a local, private swim club that was comprised not only of kids like me, but also a lot of snooty kids.  I believe it cost about $200 for the year and my middle-class parents couldn’t afford to send me anymore.

The pool was 25 yards long with 8 lanes and was housed at my high school.  I still remember the smell of the pool when I walked into the big, steamy room.  It smelled like chlorine of course, but not a strong, unpleasant bleach smell.  Anytime I walk into a pool room now, the smell brings me back and I long to be in it.

A lap pool feels like home to me.  Swimming was the one athletic activity that I was good at.  And from what I remember, I was really good.  My parents used to tell me that when they’d watch from the bleachers, people would comment to them about my performance.  I love feeling strong and able when I pull myself through the water.

Though I’m out of shape now, I still consider myself a swimmer.  I always will.  However, the last time I swam at the Y, I felt like a fool.  I couldn’t swim the whole way across without stopping and catching my breath.  I’m sure that is due to my being obese and the smoking.  Although my last attempt was so pitiful, I have every intention of getting back into the pool and I really hope to do that by the end of 2013.

Goal #2 – I will be a size 16 by the end of 2013

To most people, a size 16 wouldn’t be something to work towards.  To me, getting into a size 16 would be an accomplishment.  I’m currently a size 18/20.  Eighteen for some brands, twenty for others.  The last time I wore a size 16 was about 5 years ago.

There are a couple reasons why I picked this size.  First, I feel like it is a number that is attainable by the end of this year.  If I’d said a size 10, I know for certain that I would not be able to wear that size by December 31 of 2013.  Secondly, I feel that when I can fit into a size 16, it will finally start looking like I’ve lost weight.

Goal #3 – I will apply for college by the end of 2013

This is a huge goal for me.  I’ve known for quite some time that I need to go back to school.  I did get a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education, however, I don’t like teaching.  It was a bad choice for me.  I’m so lost right now, I’m not quite sure what I want to do.  I’m terrified of making a mistake again and having nothing to show for it except student loan debt.

I’m leaning towards two very different career paths, either medical or finance.  I intend to make a decision soon and apply for college.  If I take classes, I feel like I will appear to be taking charge of my life.  It’s important for me to do well in life, but I also must admit that it is important to me to have others see that I’m not a screw-up.

That’s what I feel like right now, a big screw-up.  My counselor and co-workers keep telling me that people aren’t making fun of me about my status, but I can’t get that thought out of my head.  I hate telling people that I am a 31 year old living at home with her parents, with no relationship, no social life,  and no friends.  (Okay, I exaggerated a bit, I have some friends, but not many.)  I feel like I can’t meet new friends or a boyfriend, not only because I’m fat, but also because I am going nowhere.  I need to move on.  I think the way to do that is to go back to school and find a career that not only brings me enjoyment, but also financial security.

These are my three big goals for the end of 2013.  I sincerely hope to accomplish each and possibly bring a little happiness into my life.  Maybe 2013 will be my best year in a long time!

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2 thoughts on “Long-Term Goals

  1. Pingback: One Down, Two to Go | Little Resolutions

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