Monthly Archives: June 2013

To Date, or Not to Date, That is the Question…

Today was weigh-in day.  I lost 0.8 pounds, which is satisfactory, considering I went off the wagon over the past two weeks.  Although, I haven’t been tracking my points like I should have been, I did make a positive change.  Last week, while perusing Youtube for workout videos, I discovered a series of videos from one particular user.  Through further link-following, I came upon Cassey Ho’s blog, called Blogilates.

We need more blogs like this.  Cassey Ho is a pilates instructor who posts free videos, healthy recipes, inspirational stories/photos, and advice.  She sells clothing and accessories as well.  She also provides a monthly calendar to help readers keep up with a fitness regimen.  I printed the beginner’s workout calendar (because fitness is an alien concept to me), and I’ve been working out to her videos over the past 3 days.  Though it sounds cliche, I’m really feeling the burn!  I can feel the strain in my upper abs and thighs.  If you are looking for a little inspiration, I highly suggest checking out her site!

Now, onto my question.  What do I do about dating?  I’m currently on two free dating sites:

logos

“OK Cupid” is far superior to “Plenty of Fish” in my opinion.  On OKC you can be much more selective.  OKC allows the user to add much more information, and in turn, get more information about a romantic interest.  OK Cupid also allows more parameters for excluding certain users from contact.

Anyway, this isn’t a post comparing free online dating sites.  This is a post in which I need some advice and reassurance.

My writing partner isn't very good at giving advice.

My writing partner isn’t very good at giving advice.

Should I attempt to date now, before I’ve lost weight, while I’m still fat?  Or, should I wait until I’ve lost 80 pounds.  (I want to lose 120 pounds total, but 80 is when I think I will be “average”).  I have a pretty clear idea of what I want, but so far, the pickings are slim.  Considering that I’m not ideal, I shouldn’t be so picky when looking for a man.  I should just be happy that anyone emails me.  But I do have discriminating taste, and that’s something I really can’t help.

I want to meet a man who’s attractive, funny, and smart.  My mailboxes are filled with messages from guys that can’t seem to put a sentence together!  I can’t stand “text-speak” or multiple spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes.  Guys, put a little effort into it!  I’m not asking for a MENSA member, but please, utilize your dictionary.

Okay, now that I’ve ranted a bit, back to my topic: Is it appropriate to be looking for a date now?  Do you think any man that would be willing to date me is desperate?  I don’t want to just be someone’s “easy-lay”.  (You know, because I’m so undesirable and lonely, men probably assume I’ll date anyone).  Do you think there’s an ideal man for someone who isn’t ideal?  Any advice would be well-received!

My Stats Part II

So, I did it this week. I made it to 20 pounds (20.4 to be exact)!  It feels great to be able to say that I’ve lost 20 pounds!  I must say though, losing 20 pounds did not live up to my expectations.

For awhile now, I’ve been getting compliments at work.  People have been telling me that they’ve noticed that I’ve lost weight, which is fantastic!  My work pants are very loose as well (I don’t even need to touch the buttons, I can just pull the pants off or on)!

So imagine my surprise (and disappointment), when I tried on my old pants that are one size smaller.  The majority of my size 18 pants don’t fit.  It is very upsetting to me.  I thought that 20 pounds would be the magic number and I’d be able to fit into a smaller size.  No such luck.

So now, I need to ask myself (as well as my readers), when will I fit into my size 18 pants again?  I’ve been trying very hard and results are showing, but my size has stayed the same. My bra size has not decreased either and that makes me even more upset.  My chest size makes me feel like a freak.  My biggest fear, in respect to this lifestyle change, is that my bra size will be large no matter how much weight I lose in the end.

I’ve shared my recent accomplishments and dilemmas, now it’s time to get to the good stuff; the results!  I made a chart in Excel that I hope is easy to read and I’ve included pictures.  To see comparison pictures, go to my Weight Loss Progress page.  Note: I had to adjust some of the before statistics because I think I measured incorrectly.  For instance, some of my current measurements before adjustment, were higher than my previous measurements.

chart

Combo Picture

I’m Almost There….

Have you ever been on a weight loss plan, and if so, have you ever had one of those weeks where you were 99% certain that you would see results on weigh-in day?  This past week was one of those weeks.  One week ago, I made a vow to myself to count every point I put in my mouth.  See, that’s what I’m supposed to do, but often it slips my mind, or I am so embarrassed by everything I’ve eaten that I don’t want to record it, or I just give up and go on a feeding frenzy.  I didn’t give up this past week and it was one of my most successful weeks!

I lost 3.8 pounds (1.72 kg) this week and it feels fantastic!  I’ve lost a total of 18.5 pounds and people are really starting to notice!  I love hearing people say that I’ve been doing well.  It is such a motivator, and believe me, I need all the motivation I can get!  Back in March, when I lost 2 pounds at my first weigh-in, I thought I’d never get this far.  It feels phenomenal, and I’m really looking forward to being attractive.

My plan is to put a picture of myself on Facebook when I’ve lost 60 pounds (27.22 kg).  I want to lose a total of 120 pounds (54.43 kg) so 60 is my halfway point.  I want people to be proud of me and to realize that I’m trying to improve my life. Most of all, I want a compliment from the boy.

I should mention that I have been doing a great job of going to Weight Watchers meetings. I’ve joined and quit after about a month for the past 3 times I’ve joined Weight Watchers (I hope that makes sense).  This time around, I’ve been going for almost 3 months.  I don’t know where this motivation is coming from, but I’m pretty stoked about it!  Perhaps I’m becoming a glass-half-full kind of gal?  The other day, I was thinking and I said to myself, “It will take forever to lose all this weight.”  Then, my optimistic side took over and said “I’ve lost almost 20 pounds, that’s a huge accomplishment!”  Hopefully, next week I’ll be able to say that I’ve lost 20 pounds total.  Once I’ve lost 20, I’m going to take my camera out again and show my before/after shots and stats.

Not Ready To Give Up Just Yet

I’d almost given up.  I thought about it.  I’ve been questioning my ability to lose weight and I’ve missed two weeks of Weight Watchers since I’d last written.  For a little while, I had given up on this blog as well.  There aren’t a lot of people interested in what I have to say and I don’t always see the results I had hoped for.  But then I realized that I’m writing this blog for myself.  The comments and followers and likes I get are just bonuses.  I’m keeping this blog so that some day I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  

Lately, I haven’t gotten very far.  I’ve now lost a total of 14.7 pounds.  I had really hoped to be 20 pounds lighter by this time.  But during those weeks where I gave in to my cravings or just said “oh, what the hell?”, I didn’t progress.  I’m proud to say that over the past week, I lost 1.2 pounds and feel that I am headed on the right track once again.

I’d like to see a decent weight loss by the end of the summer.  I know that I will not be under 200 pounds by Labor Day, that’s just unrealistic.  But, I do believe I can lose a total of 30 pounds by that time.  I’m almost halfway there!

In other parts of my life, I haven’t improved much.  I’m still hoping that he will contact me.  I go on Facebook each night in anticipation of chatting with him.  It doesn’t happen.  I’m too afraid to say anything to him in fear that we will have nothing to say to each other.  It’s like a dull ache that I try to ignore while living my life and then there are times where the pain just takes over and feels like a fresh punch to the gut.  

I don’t know how anyone can care so much for someone but hate that someone so much at the same time.  From experience, I’ve gathered that the people who can hurt me the most are the ones I care for the most.  I just want so much to stop caring because it’s obvious that he could care less about me.  

What I’m really afraid of, is not taking a chance with someone else because there’s still this hope deep inside, this hope that we will rectify our broken friendship and eventually, he’ll tell me I’m beautiful again.  It’s such a contradiction to who I am.  I think of myself as a cynic–the ultimate pessimist–but I still have this hope.  I want the hope to go away so that I can just forget about him.