This Upcoming Week Is Critical to My Success

Today I weighed in.  I gained 3.8 pounds.  In one week.  I feel gross.  After my disappointing weigh-in, I immediately imagined my trip to Super Walmart post-meeting, and what kinds of junk food I could purchase to binge on.  And earlier, I did just that.  I binged on a pint of Ben & Jerry’s “Mint Chocolate Cookie”, homemade tacos, and Smooth and Minty Melty Mints (or whatever they’re called).

The fact that they’re pastel makes them taste even more delicious!

This is classic behavior for me.  I put so much effort into my weight loss and then I get hungry or I feel deprived, and my effort all goes to shit.  It’s why I’m fat.  I was really off to a good start this time around.  I’ve lost more weight than I have in 5 years and I was getting compliments and clothes were fitting better and I just gave up.  Now, I’m back to having lost less than 20 pounds.  It was so important for me to lose those first 20 pounds.

That’s why it is so crucial that for the rest of this week, I really stick to the plan and do my tracking and exercise, even if it kills me.  And it is going to be tough.  I’m very certain of this.  I’m working tomorrow evening and after that, I have two weeks of freedom.  When my life isn’t structured (ie. when I’m not working), it is so much easier for me to forget the big picture.  I have no set schedule for anything, including dining.  When I’m not working, I can reach into those cupboards whenever I feel like it and grab something that may not be the best choice.

I am so worried.  I can’t give up.  I’ve done it so many times in the past.  I have all these dreams of what life will be like when I’m not an ogre.  Of course, I really don’t know if anything I picture will come true, but I do believe that if I’m normal-sized, certain scenarios will be more likely to become reality.  I like to imagine that when I’m normal, I’ll have more confidence, I’ll be able to have a relationship, I’ll be able to shop in the misses’ (or possibly, juniors’), department.

I’m 31, I’m running out of time to achieve my goals.  I hope I can survive and thrive during this week.




5 thoughts on “This Upcoming Week Is Critical to My Success

  1. bodycrimes

    Well, first of all, you’re not running out of time. Not at all. The fact that you’re putting such extreme pressure on yourself makes me wonder if your dieting is realistic – are you attempting an extreme diet? It’s making little changes day by day that wins this race – adding in more vegetables, walking that bit further. Your body is stronger than you are. If you try and punish it, it will strike back. Hence the binging.

    1. Miss Anonymous Post author

      I am actually doing weight watchers, but to be honest, I’m not following all the “good health guidelines”, one of which is to eat fruits and vegetables. It’s hard for me to buy a lot of vegetables because of my paycheck. I suppose I should budget more of it towards buying healthy foods. You give good advice, I should try to make small changes as I go along.

  2. Melissa

    Maybe the trick is to just keep going. If you fail one day, just start again the next. Or even in that moment when you realize what you’re doing. Anyway, that’s what I hope. When I had a ton of free time once, I joined a gym. I would take some of that free time in the morning (but after I woke up whenever I wanted, not purposely getting up at like 6 am to exercise – that’s madness) and go swim. It sort of wound up coloring my decisions for the rest of the day. I mean, I put in that effort to exercise – did I really want to eat a ton of candy or an apple? And if I really did want the candy, it became more of a conscious decision and I didn’t binge on it, I just savored a few pieces.

    Either way, keep going!! And if today turns out crappy, just try again tomorrow! Good luck!

    1. Miss Anonymous Post author

      Thank you! I am trying my best to keep up. I’ve had a lack-luster week as far as keeping up with the plan but I really need to not give up. That is the hardest part for me, pushing myself to go forward. Hopefully, it’ll become a habit. I did continue to exercise though, so that’s a plus!

  3. myeventbucket

    Blogging to keep yourself motivated is a great idea. I love the concept; especially with the support you’ll get out there. Keep it up!


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