Back At It

Hey, long time, no see. I haven’t abandoned the blog, I just got sucked into a blog-related project. I’ve been trying my hand at graphic design so that I can change the appearance of this beast. I really want Little Resolutions to look somewhat professional. Through this process of transformation, I’ve become hyper-aware of little quirks that distinguish me as obsessive-compulsive. For instance, I’ve been so wrapped up in perfecting my redesign, that I totally neglected the most important feature of any blog: posting.

You’re probably wondering what I’ve been up to since I started my little project.  I’ve continued to attend Weight Watchers’ meetings. I’ve lost more than 26 pounds and it feels great! I’m hoping to reach 30 pounds by the end of August. It’s taking me a long time but I think thirty pounds by the end of this month is do-able. Four more pounds to lose, wish me luck!

I’m hoping to lose about 45 pounds by early October. I think this number is achievable. Why early October? Well, I’m going to a concert for a band I’ve loved for eons. There will be boys there! Most importantly though, Steve might be going! Of course, I’m not certain that he’s thinking of attending the show. I do know, however, that he is also a fan of this band, as well as being a fan of live shows. My fingers are crossed!

I fantasize about seeing him there. I do this every time I’m excited about something. I imagine intimate conversations in which the perfect dialogue exists. I imagine all my dreams coming true and living “happily ever after.” I’m not psychic, so these fictional events never become reality.

What I’m hoping for this time, is for him to be at this concert. I want him to see me and remember me and miss me. I want him to notice that I’ve lost weight (over 20 pounds since I last saw him!). I want him to tell me I’m beautiful again.

On top of all the desires I’ve listed above, the thing I want the most is, to hurt him, really hurt him. I want to hurt him like he’s hurt me. I want to make him feel ignored and undesirable. I want to make him feel damaged. My tried-and-true solution is The Silent Treatment. I know from experience (from both sides), that it works. People hate to be ignored, the receiver is left wondering what he/she did to deserve it. I shouldn’t be so vindictive, but it brings me such sweet satisfaction.

 

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