Tag Archives: Bad Habit

This Upcoming Week Is Critical to My Success

Today I weighed in.  I gained 3.8 pounds.  In one week.  I feel gross.  After my disappointing weigh-in, I immediately imagined my trip to Super Walmart post-meeting, and what kinds of junk food I could purchase to binge on.  And earlier, I did just that.  I binged on a pint of Ben & Jerry’s “Mint Chocolate Cookie”, homemade tacos, and Smooth and Minty Melty Mints (or whatever they’re called).

The fact that they’re pastel makes them taste even more delicious!

This is classic behavior for me.  I put so much effort into my weight loss and then I get hungry or I feel deprived, and my effort all goes to shit.  It’s why I’m fat.  I was really off to a good start this time around.  I’ve lost more weight than I have in 5 years and I was getting compliments and clothes were fitting better and I just gave up.  Now, I’m back to having lost less than 20 pounds.  It was so important for me to lose those first 20 pounds.

That’s why it is so crucial that for the rest of this week, I really stick to the plan and do my tracking and exercise, even if it kills me.  And it is going to be tough.  I’m very certain of this.  I’m working tomorrow evening and after that, I have two weeks of freedom.  When my life isn’t structured (ie. when I’m not working), it is so much easier for me to forget the big picture.  I have no set schedule for anything, including dining.  When I’m not working, I can reach into those cupboards whenever I feel like it and grab something that may not be the best choice.

I am so worried.  I can’t give up.  I’ve done it so many times in the past.  I have all these dreams of what life will be like when I’m not an ogre.  Of course, I really don’t know if anything I picture will come true, but I do believe that if I’m normal-sized, certain scenarios will be more likely to become reality.  I like to imagine that when I’m normal, I’ll have more confidence, I’ll be able to have a relationship, I’ll be able to shop in the misses’ (or possibly, juniors’), department.

I’m 31, I’m running out of time to achieve my goals.  I hope I can survive and thrive during this week.




I’m back!

Just slightly over two years ago, I started writing about some major changes I had been  planning to carry out in my life.  So what has changed in my life?  I’m still single, I still live at home, I took up smoking again, I am still obese, I am still in need of friends, and I’m still depressed.  I want to make another go at it though.  I feel that if I continue to share my experience, I will make a difference for myself and possibly my readers. So bear with me, it’s going to be a slow start, but eventually, I’ll make you proud.

Challenge #4 – Day 1

I was supposed to eat three meals per day today. I succeeded with that, however, I found myself over-indulging for dessert and for my late night snack. At work, I went to the pastry shop and bought myself another piece of chocolate cake. Then, I got home and I ate about ten crackers with pepper jack cheese on top.

I don’t know if you do this too, but if I slip up once during the day, I tend to just say “screw it” and then eat whatever is around me. “It’s okay, I’ll start tomorrow” I say. Then tomorrow comes and I slip up again and the cycle continues.

I’d like to learn to make a mistake and then get right back on track. If I continue the way I did today, then I’ll just be setting myself up for failure. Wish me luck for a better tomorrow!

Challenge #4

The Challenge: During this time period, I resolve to eat three meals per day.

The History: I can’t remember the last time I ate like I should on a regular basis. I want to eat like a normal person, that means breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Currently, my eating schedule is erratic. I work the 3-11:30 PM shift, so I tend to get up at 10 in the morning, watch some TV or use the computer while picking at some sort of convenient food. I go back to bed around 11 AM and sleep until about 12:30 or 1:00 PM. When I get up, I spend my time getting ready for work, and then I leave at 1:45 PM. On the way to work, I’ll stop at Dunkin’ and pick up a coffee, sometimes I’ll grab a donut or pastry to go with it. I’ll get to work at 2:30 and then I won’t eat until 7:30 PM. At that time, I’ll have one of my Lean Cuisines and maybe a bag of Fritos from the vending machine. If I get hungry while I’m working, I may stop at the shop that sells baked treats, like cookies, pastries, and cakes. When I finally get home at around 12:20, I usually fix myself a snack, like cookies or cheese and crackers.

The Reasons: I’ve heard that people who eat three meals per day, without skipping a meal, tend to be healthier than those who avoid certain meals or eat erratically, like myself. Think about it, when you skip meals, you’re body feels starved, so the next time you allow yourself to eat, you’ll most likely overeat. You will feel the need to shovel food into your mouth, mindlessly eating whatever is convenient.

The Benefits: Hopefully, this simple change to my diet will help me to lose weight and really gauge when I’m physically hungry as opposed to emotionally hungry. 

The Plan: This will be a bit difficult. For one thing, I’ll have to allow myself more time in the morning which means, I’ll have to wake up earlier just so I can eat. It’s always most difficult on the first day. As I progress, it will be much easier to adjust to this new schedule.

I’ve already completed the other part of this plan, and that part involved purchasing food. I went to the store last night and selected things that I could eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

The Time Period: I’d like to work on this challenge for two weeks.


Taken today: this is what I want to change.



Challenge #3 – Day 2

Grilled Five-Cheese Sandwich. With recipe!

Image by pirateyjoe via Flickr

I’m not going to bore you by writing my list of everything I ate today, however, I will present you with some highlights. I started the day the way I usually start it, with an iced caramel latte at 9:45 AM. Honestly, I drink way to many of them. I hate the taste of whole milk, so I always have skim, but there still has to be a significant amount of calories considering there’s caramel in there.

So anyway, I have my latte, and probably 75% of the time, I don’t eat breakfast. So, how am I still fat? Good question. After that I noticed at about 1:30 PM, I was feeling pretty hungry, growling-stomach hungry. I saw someone eating grilled cheese, so I just had to get two for lunch, plus some rice pilaf. I love rice pilaf!

Here’s what I’ve noticed about myself. I will eat and keep eating even if I don’t like what I’m eating. The grilled cheese today wasn’t good. It was lousy. My college used to make delicious grilled cheese. The grilled cheese today was cold and they don’t even use real butter. What’s up with that?

So, anyway, despite this craptastic grilled cheese, I ate everything. I’ve also noticed that I eat very fast, barely taking time to breathe between bites.

When I was supposed to be having dinner at 5:30 PM, I ended up eating a delicious piece of chocolate cake. It was spectacular! When I eat dessert, I tend to savor every bite, eating slowly and enjoying myself.

I bought myself another latte on the way home from work at 8:00 PM. I didn’t eat anything at home until about 11:30 PM when I popped some popcorn and ate the whole bag. Mind you, this was not one of those individual bags.

So, what habits have I noticed? Well, I eat too fast, for one thing. I also eat in excess of what I should. My meals aren’t well balanced and some meals are non-existent. Just some things I need to work on.

Challenge #1 – Day 10

I made it to ten days! I’m still smoking, but I have really lowered my intake. Yesterday I had two cigarettes! Today, I’ve had two and I will have one more before bed. I now have four cigs left.

My original plan was to smoke two today, then have one each day for four days, but I’ve decided against that. I can’t prolong it any more. The only way I am going to kick this bad habit is by eliminating the nicotine from my system. This is something I need to do and I’m wasting time. I can’t wait to get the next few days over with!

Marlboro 27s

These will be my last four Marlboro 27s ever.

Challenge #1 – Day 6

I slacked off for a few days, there really hasn’t been much to report on. I made it through the last two days without any issues. Today has been different. It’s a weekend day, I don’t have my work to distract me from smoking. I’ve smoked 6 cigarettes today and I know I’ll smoke one more before I go to bed. I know I can do this, I’m just bored. That’s the main reason I smoke, out of boredom. cigarette

Sometimes, I do smoke to alleviate stress. On Thursday, I was driving to work and another driver pissed me off. I have a bit of road rage. ARGH, BAD DRIVERS MAKE ME MAD! After the incident, I wanted a cigarette more than anything. However, I made my 40 minute drive to work without smoking!

Foods can trigger my urge to smoke as well. If you are a smoker, you must know what I’m talking about. Cigarettes go so well with coffee. A cigarette with coffee is like the mashed potatoes and gravy with turkey. They compliment each other.

Cigarettes go hand-in-hand with booze, too. A smoke is so satisfying while I’m drinking beer or liquor. I don’t go out drinking as much as I used to, so I suppose this is good for my cause.

But, I should get back to the issue at hand…I slipped up today. I know that I can do this though, I’m just going to have to try harder.