I’m going off-topic today because frankly, my current challenge is lame and boring. I haven’t gossiped and I really don’t feel any different. I’m sure it’s good for my soul.
Today I went on Facebook and found out that one of my friends from college (who I don’t speak with much anymore) has just had a baby. The thing is, I could never, ever picture this girl as a mother. Not that she will make a bad mother, it’s just that in college, we partied together, stayed up late together, got drunk and smoked together, etc. I know that people grow up and have different priorities but when am I going to grow up?
I don’t particularly want to grow up. I’m 31 and I have no desire to have children anytime soon. I may want children one day and hopefully, I’ll be able to have them if I do want that life. Right now, I still want to party and go to bars and meet new people and stay out late. I feel like I will have no friends left if everyone continues to have babies. What can I do with a friend who has kids? Does your social life end when you have a child?
It’s all very confusing to me. Is it wrong of me to not want children? One time, I said to my therapist that I didn’t want children and he was shocked. I could have told him I had homicidal tendencies and his reaction would have been tamer.
I feel that part of the reason I don’t want children is because I’ve missed out on a lot of milestones that most people have experienced. I’ve never been in love. I live with my parents. I don’t enjoy time with friends nearly as often as I should. I keep hoping that these experiences will happen and that I won’t die a recluse. I wonder if I ever do find a man to love me, will I know how to act in a relationship? Is it too late?
I guess my big question is: Is there life after having children?