Tag Archives: Eating

A Milestone Week Despite Some Setbacks

This week I reached a small milestone…I lost 1.6 pounds and I am now under 220 pounds (99.8 kg)!  This is really big and important to me.  For the past 4½ years, my weight has lingered around the 230-250 area.  Approximately 5 years ago, I made a big move back home (after living by myself in another state for a year).  The move was necessary to retain my sanity, yet it took a toll on my physical health.  I won’t go into any more details, but that is when my weight began to climb.  This milestone I reached today makes me feel that once again, I am headed in the right direction, I just need to get other areas of my life straightened out.

I am proud to say that I am continuing to follow the blogilates website and workout calendar and I am feeling a little bit stronger in performing some of the moves.  My next step forward, in achieving a healthy lifestyle, will be to return to the Y.  I continue to may my expensive membership fee, but I’m not going.  The truth is, I’m scared.  I know it’s irrational, but I am afraid that I will start working out and the gym-rats around me will all laugh at me.  I can admit this because I did a search and discovered that other people are afraid of this as well.  I’m going to keep trying to push myself to return and I know someday it’ll happen.  It would be so beneficial to be around other people.

It’s obvious that everything hasn’t been all “peachy-keen”.  There’s actually an issue that’s been bothering me for several weeks, and I just haven’t felt like bringing it up.  It’s regarding Steve again, so if you don’t want to listen to me whine about the-one-that-got-away, I totally understand, you can quit reading now.

Back in March or February of this year, Steve posted on my Facebook timeline about an event, he wrote “I thought of you” with a link to said event.  For months, I’d been hoping he’d contact me to invite me to go with him.  He never contacted me, so I figured, he’s so busy, he probably can’t go.  So, on the night of the event, I went on Facebook like usual, and lo-and-behold, my newsfeed shows a status update from him about the event.

Needless to say, I was very upset.  I’ve been with him to similar events before, he couldn’t have just invited me.  I immediately felt that feeling, like a punch in the gut, that I get whenever I feel slighted.  I didn’t expect him to hurt me like that, but I know I should expect it, he’s not the same person I knew several years ago.  I cannot wait until I lose 60 pounds (my halfway point).  I’m going to put a picture on Facebook of my progress and hopefully, he’ll feel regret for not keeping in touch with me.  But of course, I often fantasize about the way I want things to go and when it actually happens, it doesn’t pan out like I’d hoped.

I’d like to end this post in a positive/funny way.  Today I went to a department store and purchased some typical household items (shampoo, sunscreen, etc.) and some personal lubricant.  Yes, I admit it, I purchased tingling lubricant, figuring it’d just be a quick buy and the cashier would scan it and just throw it in the bag, not paying much attention to my purchases.  The cashier scanned my items, I payed.  Then, when she handed me the bag, she said “Have fun!”  I have to wonder what she meant by that.  Was she telling me to enjoy my lube?



May 11

I went to Weight Watchers today.  I’m excited to say that I only gained 0.2 pounds after skipping last week and going on a serious eating binge.  See, I’m trying to be positive! Honestly, I was so certain that I was going to gain at least 2 pounds, so to see that I only went up two-tenths was a relief.  I’m proud to say I’m back on track and staying within my daily points target.  I hope, in the next couple of weeks, to see a total loss of 15 pounds.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed!  I still feel pretty good and I can tell that my pants fit looser.  In fact, my pants kind of look ridiculous right now, as they hang off my butt.

Not much is new since I last posted.  I’m pleased to announce that I’ve decided on what I would like to go to grad school for.  I’m going to get a mathematics-related degree.  I really enjoy math and all the figuring and hard work that goes into it.  I feel so accomplished when I’ve arrived at an answer!

However, I’m not quite sure how to get back to school.  Before I can get into grad school, I’ll need to take about 4 pre-reqs, as well as, get a decent score on the GRE.  I’m already studying for the test, so I’m not super-worried about that.  I am worried about the courses though because I don’t know how I will ever afford to take those classes.  Sadly, I’m that broke.  I would feel so much better about myself if I were taking classes.  I would finally feel like I’m doing something with my life.

Speaking of my life, I would really like to have a social-life.  I’m going to ask for some advice here.  How exactly, do I meet people now that I’m not in school?  It is so difficult now.  I want to meet new people, but it’s not like I’m around my peers all the time like I was when I was in college or even high school.

I desperately want to have friends that I can call and hang out with.  It would be so much healthier.  I envy those people who can just charm everyone around them.  How do they do it?  Why am I so socially inept?  Am I destined to be friend-less?

My First Week on Weight Watchers

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about re-joining Weight Watchers.  I am proud to say that I went to my second meeting yesterday!  (I didn’t write about my first meeting as there really wasn’t much to say about it.)  If you’ve ever been to Weight Watchers, you know the drill.  You show up, a volunteer weighs you in, you gather in a room and wait for the meeting to start.  The meeting portion is run by a leader/member who has succeeded on the Weight Watchers program in the past.  During the meeting, she’ll bring up a topic, and the more assertive members will discuss the topic, while everyone else listens.  Meetings tend to be about 30 to 45 minutes long.  

Anyway, I went to my second meeting yesterday.  This means I’ve been on the program for one week.  Typically, on my second weigh-in, I tend to lose a large amount of weight, for instance, 4 or 5 pounds.  I lost two.  Those two pounds ruined my entire day.  At work, I was able to hold it in and when I finally got to my car, I just burst into tears.  I had several crying fits on the ride home as well.  I don’t believe my mood was affected by the two pounds.  I think I feel this way because I’m just realizing how long this journey will take.

When I began my weight loss crusade, (last week), I weighed in at 237.8.  This is actually less than what I weighed last July, which was 251 pounds.  To give you an idea of how this weight is distributed, I am 5’7½” tall.  I intend to post a current picture soon.

Eventually, I would like to weigh 120 pounds,  It is so overwhelming to imagine how long it’ll take me to lose all that weight.  The scariest thing for me is the thought that I will be 35 by the time I lose the weight and no one will want me.  It’s making my eyes moist just thinking about it.

I’m still not at the point where I believe I’m worth it.  If a man were to compliment me, then I might believe him.  I can remember being in college and having female friends tell me “It doesn’t matter what I think, the only compliments that matter to you come from men.”  That is still true to this day.  I can’t believe I’m attractive or interesting unless a male peer tells me so.

Unfortunately, I don’t think someone will want to date me until I’ve lost 80 pounds.  It is going to take forever to lose 80 pounds.  It upsets me more than anything to think that I could spend another 2 years trying to lose the weight so that I can finally date.

I suppose I should be proud of myself for starting this journey.  It’s a big step for me.  I just can’t stop thinking of the time that I will spend being fat.  More than anything, I want to hear compliments.  I can’t spend my entire life hating myself.

Challenge #4 – Day 1

I was supposed to eat three meals per day today. I succeeded with that, however, I found myself over-indulging for dessert and for my late night snack. At work, I went to the pastry shop and bought myself another piece of chocolate cake. Then, I got home and I ate about ten crackers with pepper jack cheese on top.

I don’t know if you do this too, but if I slip up once during the day, I tend to just say “screw it” and then eat whatever is around me. “It’s okay, I’ll start tomorrow” I say. Then tomorrow comes and I slip up again and the cycle continues.

I’d like to learn to make a mistake and then get right back on track. If I continue the way I did today, then I’ll just be setting myself up for failure. Wish me luck for a better tomorrow!

Challenge #4

The Challenge: During this time period, I resolve to eat three meals per day.

The History: I can’t remember the last time I ate like I should on a regular basis. I want to eat like a normal person, that means breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Currently, my eating schedule is erratic. I work the 3-11:30 PM shift, so I tend to get up at 10 in the morning, watch some TV or use the computer while picking at some sort of convenient food. I go back to bed around 11 AM and sleep until about 12:30 or 1:00 PM. When I get up, I spend my time getting ready for work, and then I leave at 1:45 PM. On the way to work, I’ll stop at Dunkin’ and pick up a coffee, sometimes I’ll grab a donut or pastry to go with it. I’ll get to work at 2:30 and then I won’t eat until 7:30 PM. At that time, I’ll have one of my Lean Cuisines and maybe a bag of Fritos from the vending machine. If I get hungry while I’m working, I may stop at the shop that sells baked treats, like cookies, pastries, and cakes. When I finally get home at around 12:20, I usually fix myself a snack, like cookies or cheese and crackers.

The Reasons: I’ve heard that people who eat three meals per day, without skipping a meal, tend to be healthier than those who avoid certain meals or eat erratically, like myself. Think about it, when you skip meals, you’re body feels starved, so the next time you allow yourself to eat, you’ll most likely overeat. You will feel the need to shovel food into your mouth, mindlessly eating whatever is convenient.

The Benefits: Hopefully, this simple change to my diet will help me to lose weight and really gauge when I’m physically hungry as opposed to emotionally hungry. 

The Plan: This will be a bit difficult. For one thing, I’ll have to allow myself more time in the morning which means, I’ll have to wake up earlier just so I can eat. It’s always most difficult on the first day. As I progress, it will be much easier to adjust to this new schedule.

I’ve already completed the other part of this plan, and that part involved purchasing food. I went to the store last night and selected things that I could eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

The Time Period: I’d like to work on this challenge for two weeks.


Taken today: this is what I want to change.