Tag Archives: HBO’s Girls

Finding Mr. Right

 

My Photoshop "collage" of my ideal man.  You will see some watermarks, I can't afford stock photos.

My Photoshop “collage” of my ideal man. You will see some watermarks, I can’t afford stock photos.

If you’ve read some posts of mine, you may have noticed that I’m a fan of the HBO show, “Girls”.  On Wednesday, I watched the final episode of season 2.  I’ll try not to give too much away, but I will say that Adam, the funny and strange former boyfriend of Hannah, inspired my post.  His last line in this particular episode, “I was always here”, just made me melt.

It got me thinking about something my therapist once spoke about.  Much of my therapy sessions revolve around my inability to find a man.  I feel inadequate because men rarely take an interest in me, but that’s beside the point.  My therapist asked “What would your ideal partner be like?”  And you know what? That was an incredibly hard question to answer!

He said to me “How will you find a man if you don’t know what you’re looking for?”

Now, sometimes, I disagree with my therapist, (for instance, when he says that at this point in my life, I am feeling the need to have a family with children).  But, that question made so much sense.  I’m constantly lamenting the fact that men don’t like me, but I’ve never given much thought as to what I want in a man who does find me attractive.

This brings me back to “Girls”.  Adam, despite all his faults, seemed so perfect when he picked up Hannah-who was close to having a break down-and held her close and said “I was always here”.  You have to see the episode to experience the magic.

So without further adieu, I present to you a list of the preferred qualities in my ideal man, along with an explanation if need be:

  • Very masculine, no strong feminine side
  • Not clingy – Believe it or not, I once dated a guy who was very clingy.  He constantly wanted to be with me and would often say “I love you”.  Needless to say, I wasn’t into him as much as he was into me.  One night, at the popular off-campus bar, I kissed my friend (we have a long history), and realized that this man just wasn’t right for me.
  • Close to my age – I feel that I’m immature, therefore I want to date someone who isn’t in his 40s.
  • Athletic build with sexy, muscular arms – This is most certainly not a necessity, but a definite plus.  In missionary sex, I love feeling his strong arms on both sides of me.  Soooo sexy!
  • Not super-religious – I don’t care what religion he follows, as long as he doesn’t talk about God all of the time.  I’m a lapsed Catholic, I really don’t need to hear you proselytizing.
  • Preferably no children
  • Likes animals – I like dogs and cats and most other critters.  I have a cat, so if he can tolerate her then that’s a definite plus!
  • Light eyes – I love blue or green eyes
  • Outgoing personality – I’m very shy, so I’d like to meet a man who’ll help me to come out of my shell a bit.
  • Similar taste in music
  • Similar sense of humor – I believe there are two types of people in this world: those who get Strong Bad emails, and those who don’t.  I prefer to hang with the former, we just mesh better.
  • No ego
  • Likes time away from me
  • Is educated – He needs to prove that he’s intelligent, we need to be able to communicate.
  • Has full, soft lips – Some may think this to be a feminine trait but I think full lips are sexy on a man.
  • Is caring, conscientious, polite, and not demanding.
  • He is driven to succeed, but not a workaholic.
  • He is not a teetotaler – I don’t drink often, but when I do, I prefer to have my man drink with me.
  • He isn’t too “grown up” and is able to get in touch with his inner child.
  • Nice teeth
  • Level-headed – Because I’m not.
  • Not stubborn – I’m very stubborn, from experience, I know that two stubborn people don’t  mesh well.
  • He’s a beach person – I want to go on vacations with my future boyfriend, preferably to the beach.
  • He is not afraid of water/able to swim – Swimming is an important part of my life.
  • He doesn’t have long hair.
  • He is willing to try different styles/positions in bed, eg., romantic and slow VS rough and fast.
  • He likes me when he’s sober and vice versa – When I think back to all of the times that I met a man while I was drunk, it makes me shudder.
  • He’s patient, understanding, faithful, and smart.
  • He knows sex is a mutual activity and thus, tries to please me as well as himself.
  • He likes me whether I have small or large breasts – Currently, I am overweight and very large-chested.  The FWB likes my boobs, I know that when I lose weight, he won’t be interested anymore.
  • He wants a relationship!
  • He is into hand-holding – I think hand-holding can be so sexy.
  • He is tall – I’m 5’7½”, typically, men I date are around my height.  I want to date a man that I can look up to when I kiss him.  I want to feel protected.
  • Not metrosexual – is that still a thing?
  • He doesn’t take life too seriously
  • He is creative.
  • He is disease free.

Whew! I know the list is exhaustive and it makes me seem like I expect too much.  Let me just clarify that I don’t think a man should possess all of these qualities.  Now certain things are must haves, like politeness, similar sense of humor, desire for a relationship, etc.  Other characteristics are ideal but not required.  For example, I don’t expect my boyfriend to be flawless in the looks department.  I’ve been attracted to men because they are funny or sweet, and after spending time with him, I’ll start to notice little physical traits that turn me on.

Now that I’ve completed my list, I can say with confidence that I know what I am looking for in a man.  It’s the first step to actually finding him.

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Girls: Season 2, Episode 4

I don’t plan on making TV reviews a regular segment of mine, but I just had to share my thoughts on this past episode of HBO’s Girls.  I just got around to watching it tonight and I think this particular episode was superb.  I admit it sounds clichéd, but I laughed and I cried.  The acting and writing were fantastic and real and human.  It is my favorite episode of both seasons so far and that says a lot because when I started watching the show, it took me almost half the season to realize that I liked it.

FYI: I’m not going to summarize everything about the show, I’d just like to share the parts that really made an impact on me.

The title of this episode is “It’s a Shame About Ray”.  In this episode, Hannah hosts a dinner party at her apartment after her “divorce” from Elijah, while Jessa meets Thomas John’s parents.  And BTW: Griffin Dunn, whom I remember from movies I watched as a child, has aged dramatically.

Anyway, the entire show was great, but it was around the middle of the episode when I just fell in love with it.  Ray, Shoshanna’s boyfriend, has been mainly a background character throughout the series.  He was always enjoyable and great for a laugh, but he never stood out to me.  In this particular episode, there is a point where Shoshanna is angry at him.  She has just realized that Ray has basically been living with her for two weeks.  It never occurred to her that he wasn’t going home at night, he would always stay over.  She feels as if he’s been using her up to this point.  It’s after Ray admits that he is, essentially, homeless, that this conversation occurs:

“You’re older than me, you should have your own place,” says Shoshanna.

“I know, I know,” Ray replies.

“You should have like, more interests and passions and things that you…do. I mean, you get up everyday and sort of, just, there’s nothing. It’s like unless you’re going to work, you don’t have…any…you, you, you can’t pay for anything…”

Then Ray says “Just say it. Just fucking say it. I’m a loser. I’m a huge, fucking loser. Say it. Say it. You don’t think I was counting down the days until you figured it out?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you had no house?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t that excited to tell my beautiful, cute, smart 21-year old girlfriend that I’m a 33-year old homeless guy, whose one valuable possession in this world is a signed picture of Andy Kaufman.  I’m a fucking loser in a lot of ways Shoshanna, you know that? What makes me worth dating? What makes me worth fucking anything?”

At which point, Shoshanna tells him she’s falling in love with him and he later admits the same.  It’s not the falling in love part that gets to me here, I don’t believe in love.  It’s Ray’s statements about himself.  Everything Ray said made sense to me, it is exactly as I feel.  I love the way this particular dialogue is written.  It is so real.  And now, after watching it again (I had to get the quotes right), I’m tearing up.  Of all the characters on the show, I feel right now, that I can relate most to Ray.   His feelings about himself hit home with me.

Meanwhile, Jessa’s happy married life is falling apart.  She gets into a hateful shouting match with her husband, Thomas John, and both end up making vicious statements about each other.  Near the end of the argument, Thomas John labels Jessa a “whore with no work ethic”, to which Jessa replies by punching him in the face.  The argument ends with Thomas John asking Jessa how much it will cost to get her out of his life ($11,500), and Jessa, storming out of the apartment.

I knew that Jessa would not be one to stay tied down but I had hoped her marriage would last longer than this.  She seemed so stable for once.  It was so upsetting to see the marriage basically crash out of nowhere.

The final scene of the episode leads the viewer to Hannah’s apartment after her party.  Now, roommate-less, she sits in her bathtub with the bathroom door open, singing “Wonderwall”.  (I have to say, Lena Dunham’s voice is pretty good.  She stayed in-tune very well.)  Jessa walks in and Hannah screams, at first not knowing who is coming into her bathroom.  Hannah starts to get out of the tub and Jessa says “no, don’t get up” and she strips and gets in the other side of the tub with Hannah.  She starts to cry, and this is the part that gets to me, Hannah looks at her friend, with that face that says “I’m so sorry you feel that way, how can I make this better?” and she reaches out and grabs Jessa’s hand to comfort her.  After that, Hannah makes a joke which cuts the sad tone of the end of this episode.  And then, you hear that song starting in the background. What song?  Oasis’ “Wonderwall”.  The song was so perfect for the end of this episode, I just started crying.

Now, I know the getting into the bathtub thing with her friend was odd, but I could overlook it.  It was touching to see Hannah reach out to her friend and not act selfish, for once.  It makes me wish for a girl friend to have a shoulder to cry on.

I can’t say enough about this episode!  I think if you have the means, you should see it too.