Tag Archives: romantic

My Latest Obsession

Sometimes, there is a song you hear or perhaps a movie you see, and you can’t get it out of your head.  It took me so long to discover it, I would hear bits and pieces and then change the channel.  One day, I just stopped to listen and now I can’t get enough of this song.  I’m currently in love with The Neighborhood’s “Sweater Weather”.  Seriously, I’m in love.  At this very moment, I’m listening to it on repeat, trying to get it into my top 25 on iTunes.

I know I’m behind the times, this song has been out for awhile as far as I can tell.  I can’t believe I ignored it when it first came out. (I did the same thing with “Wonderwall”, can you believe it?)  If you haven’t heard it, google it and watch the video, I’ll wait…If you’d rather not listen to it, check out the lyrics courtesy of metrolyrics.com:

All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand in California
With my toes in the sand

Use the sleeves of my sweater
Let’s have an adventure
Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered
Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours
You in those little high waisted shorts, oh

She knows what I think about
And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that we don’t wanna tell you about, no

‘Cause it’s too cold
For you here right now
So let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And if I may just take your breath away
I don’t mind if it’s not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds to
Move to a place so far away

The goose bumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
‘Cause you love the taste yeah

These hearts adore
Everyone the other beats hardest for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour

Coming down
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no, no, no

‘Cause it’s too cold
For you here right now
So let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

‘Cause it’s too cold
For you here and now
So let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

Whoa, whoa…

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Whoa, whoa…

‘Cause it’s too cold
For you here right now
So let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It’s too cold
For you here right now
Let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And it’s too cold,
It’s too cold,
The holes of my sweater…

Read more: The Neighbourhood – Sweater Weather Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the background music of this song, but what really gets me, are the lyrics.  If you browse about this song, a lot of people believe this song is about weed. It could totally be about weed, I didn’t write it, I don’t know exactly what it’s about.  But I choose to interpret this song as a tale of falling in love.  Sigh…I’m a hopeless romantic.

Every time I hear this song, I imagine some beautiful beginning for some couple. The lyrics make me melt, they drive me crazy, they make me cry.  The lyrics strike a chord with me.  As I’ve said, I know nothing about the lyrics, I can’t take credit for them.  I know even less about falling in love.  However, I imagine that falling in love must be like this song.

I like to think it’s about becoming close with a person, getting to know someone so well that you can sense what they are thinking.  I think it’s about intense, intimate, powerful sex, (I’ve never been there, either).  I think it’s about realizing that you could see yourself committing to this person for life.  I think it’s about giving in to your feelings.  It makes me hopeful that I will fall in love someday.  Give it a listen, let me know what you think.

 

The Skank/Self-Esteem Connection and What Determines Attraction?

Before I get into my topic, I’d like to first make a statement.  Do you know how certain words can be nearly synonymous yet have very different meanings in context?  For example: slut, hoe, whore, and skank.  I choose to use the word, “skank”, as opposed to the more vulgar- sounding “slut”.  Have you ever noticed how much anger and hatred is behind “slut”?  From this point forward, I vow to never use the word “slut” in any posts.  If I do use it, call me out on it, please.

Now on to the topics at hand.  In my previous post, I wrote briefly about my mistake of gauging a man’s date-worthiness based upon his appearance.  And what a mistake it was! To bring you up to speed, I recently received a message to my online dating profile from a good-looking, hot-bodied man.  I had my doubts in this man but I chose to ignore them because he was attractive.  Against my better judgement, I gave him my number so we could text. Mind you, this was after we’d exchanged around five one-sentence messages between us.  Hence, my first error.

His second text to me, after the obligatory “hellos”, was “Are you thick with big boobs?”  This was my second indication that he wasn’t such a nice guy.  However, I continued texting him, (mistake #2) although I did write that he didn’t seem to want what I want (a relationship), to which he responded something along the lines of, “you don’t know me, how do you know what I want?” His angry comment made me feel like a jerk, so I apologized for doubting his intentions. Thus, my third error.

After texting for about two hours, (which was mostly him asking about my boobs and my “booty”), he suggested conversing via webcam.  I agreed to this, making it mistake number four.  I put on a little makeup, signed in, and we connected.  He asked me to show him my cleavage and I complied, error #5.  But when he asked me to take my top off, I finally made the right decision and told him that I didn’t feel right doing this and our conversation was kaput.

Now that little story up there does have a point and is relevant to my title.  After the interaction with this man (I’ll call him James), the first thing that came to mind was “How do I always meet men that don’t want a relationship?”  This question led to my next question, (as well as part of the title) “What determines attraction?”

Maybe it has happened to you, you tend to meet people who share similar personality traits, goals, flaws, etc. like they are all cut from the same cloth.  This is my case, I often meet men who aren’t interested in anything more than hooking up.  But why does this happen?  What about me attracts a man who isn’t into a relationship?  And of course, what is it that attracts me to men who aren’t into relationships?  I don’t have the answers and I’m not quite sure where to find them.

This leads me to the other portion of the title.  As mentioned in the last paragraph, I tend to be attracted somehow, to men who aren’t into anything serious, despite the fact that I desire a serious, loving, long-term relationship.  I am ashamed to say that in my dating past, I would give into my partner’s needs, while ignoring my own.  I would jump into bed too fast hoping for a relationship to happen. I’ll admit it, I could be skanky.

Over ten years ago, I lost my virginity on a first date.  I told myself that I just wanted to not be a virgin anymore.  Never in my life had I imagined this monumental event to happen like this. I pictured romance and “I love yous” being declared.  I don’t regret it, I’m just ashamed to admit that I behaved in this way.  This was the beginning of my skanky lifestyle (or so I thought).

I didn’t hook up with a new guy every night.  My number isn’t high, it’s less than ten.  But I did tend to rush into things with several men.  Whether it was a one-night-stand, making out with a stranger at the bar, or letting some guy I just met touch my boobs.  I did all sorts of things to get guys to like me.

This is where self-esteem enters the picture.  I’m not sure what other women would think, but I believe my self-esteem is connected to my intimate behavior.  I need to feel wanted and I need to please a man to get that adoration from him.  It’s reassuring to know that a man is interested in me and oftentimes, its his attraction that makes me feel worth it.

Though, truthfully, the majority of these men weren’t interested in me.  They preyed on my vulnerability and most-likely, could sense my need for validation.  I hate the fact that a man’s opinion of me can still hold such high-standing in my life.  I hate the fact that I can’t respect myself enough to not go too far with a new man.  But I must say, that I am proud of myself for not showing my breasts online to James the Jerk.  And I suppose it’s a start, it’s showing that I’m headed in the right direction.

For the future, if I ever do get a date again, I want him to earn my sexuality.  I want him to get to know me first, to really appreciate and care about me and my feelings.  I want to respect myself and I want my partner to respect me as well.  Most of all, I really want to experience sex and love together.  I’ve never had that pleasure and I am so intrigued about the connection that must be felt when making love to a man who cares as opposed to a man who just doesn’t want to leave the bar alone.  With any luck, I’ll be able to experience my dream.

I Am So Disappointed in Myself

Guess what I realized today?  You know in cartoons, when a character has a light bulb illuminate over his/her head?  Well, today it came to me.  I don’t need to lump all of my ideas from one day into one post.  It is possible, and makes more sense, to separate posts by topic. Whoa!  My mind is blown!

On to the topic at hand.  I have a confession to make: I’m shallow.  I had always thought of myself as open-minded. A little over one week ago, I realized that that is not the case.  Against my better judgement (I intend to use that phrase frequently and from now on, will abbreviate it as AMBJ), I have been visiting a couple of free dating sites.  I got a notification on my phone last Friday that someone had written to me, and I was surprised to see that he was a good-looking guy with a great body!  Guys like that never message me!

After seeing him on the mobile app, I decided to go to the full site and check out his message.  He had several punctuation and spelling mistakes (a big no-no for me), but AMBJ, I decided, “Oh, what the Hell? He’s cute”, and so, I responded to him.  Thus, I am a shallow, shallow person.

You see, I would never tolerate English language abuse from anyone mediocre, but because this man was attractive and built, I figured, these traits will make up for his grammatical issues.  Lo and behold, it wasn’t just grammar issues that plagued this man,  but I’ll discuss that experience later.  This article I read, especially point number four, really sums it up.

One point that the article makes, is that online dating prevents you from actually being able to interact with someone face-to-face, and maybe get to know him/her before passing judgement.  The sad truth is, at least when it comes to online dating, looks do matter.

For instance, I will not look at a profile without a picture.  I can remember, probably in the early 2000s,  when online dating sites had the option to send in a photograph to the company and the site would scan and post your photo to your profile.  With so many technological advantages occurring within this young century, surely, an online dater can figure out a way to post a picture of himself to his profile.  There is no excuse for a person not to have a picture.  So it always makes me wonder, if he doesn’t have a picture posted, what is he hiding?

It’s awful to think like that, but truthfully, I’m left wondering why.  Is he severely disfigured? Is his picture a mugshot? Is he underage?  Looks matter, physical appearance is the first thing one sees when scoping out a partner.  Unfortunately, looks don’t indicate a man’s trustworthiness, sense of humor, intelligence, and all of those characteristics that add to a man’s appeal.  It’s a shame that we can’t see those traits immediately when browsing for a date online.  I guess I need to look deeper.

 

 

To Date, or Not to Date, That is the Question…

Today was weigh-in day.  I lost 0.8 pounds, which is satisfactory, considering I went off the wagon over the past two weeks.  Although, I haven’t been tracking my points like I should have been, I did make a positive change.  Last week, while perusing Youtube for workout videos, I discovered a series of videos from one particular user.  Through further link-following, I came upon Cassey Ho’s blog, called Blogilates.

We need more blogs like this.  Cassey Ho is a pilates instructor who posts free videos, healthy recipes, inspirational stories/photos, and advice.  She sells clothing and accessories as well.  She also provides a monthly calendar to help readers keep up with a fitness regimen.  I printed the beginner’s workout calendar (because fitness is an alien concept to me), and I’ve been working out to her videos over the past 3 days.  Though it sounds cliche, I’m really feeling the burn!  I can feel the strain in my upper abs and thighs.  If you are looking for a little inspiration, I highly suggest checking out her site!

Now, onto my question.  What do I do about dating?  I’m currently on two free dating sites:

logos

“OK Cupid” is far superior to “Plenty of Fish” in my opinion.  On OKC you can be much more selective.  OKC allows the user to add much more information, and in turn, get more information about a romantic interest.  OK Cupid also allows more parameters for excluding certain users from contact.

Anyway, this isn’t a post comparing free online dating sites.  This is a post in which I need some advice and reassurance.

My writing partner isn't very good at giving advice.

My writing partner isn’t very good at giving advice.

Should I attempt to date now, before I’ve lost weight, while I’m still fat?  Or, should I wait until I’ve lost 80 pounds.  (I want to lose 120 pounds total, but 80 is when I think I will be “average”).  I have a pretty clear idea of what I want, but so far, the pickings are slim.  Considering that I’m not ideal, I shouldn’t be so picky when looking for a man.  I should just be happy that anyone emails me.  But I do have discriminating taste, and that’s something I really can’t help.

I want to meet a man who’s attractive, funny, and smart.  My mailboxes are filled with messages from guys that can’t seem to put a sentence together!  I can’t stand “text-speak” or multiple spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes.  Guys, put a little effort into it!  I’m not asking for a MENSA member, but please, utilize your dictionary.

Okay, now that I’ve ranted a bit, back to my topic: Is it appropriate to be looking for a date now?  Do you think any man that would be willing to date me is desperate?  I don’t want to just be someone’s “easy-lay”.  (You know, because I’m so undesirable and lonely, men probably assume I’ll date anyone).  Do you think there’s an ideal man for someone who isn’t ideal?  Any advice would be well-received!

Most Romantic Thing Ever

Girl on the phone

There’s this one moment that really sticks out in my mind. It may seem minor to you, but it meant the world to me. I was talking to a friend on the phone and he said “you’re a very beautiful girl”. It was so sweet because it was over the phone. It wasn’t a guy at a bar trying his best lines on me, it was genuine. It was when I thought he kind of liked me but I wasn’t sure. It still makes me smile! Sadly, it never worked out.

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