Tag Archives: Tobacco

A Confession…

I have a confession to make.  I’ve started smoking again.  One day, while I was smoking my e-cigarette, I realized, I just want to taste my cigarette.  It’s not the smoking I need to give up, it’s the nicotine.  With the electronic cigarette, I was getting my daily dose of nicotine (and then some), but I wasn’t enjoying that Marlboro 27 taste I love so much.  Those who’ve never smoked can’t understand how a cigarette can taste enjoyable.  That’s the best way I can explain the taste, “enjoyable”.

I do intend to quit nicotine, though I’m not sure when.  I know that it is possible, as I was able to quit for 6 weeks two years ago.  I may make it a resolution later this year, but most-likely I’ll do it on my own and share the news once I’ve kicked the habit for good.

And now,  something that’s been bothering me tonight.  I was at work and one of my co-workers said to me “I think you’re depressed”.  Well, that’s pretty obvious.  I’m sure I must come off that way to everyone because I am, in fact, depressed.  Then she said “what are you going to do?”  This particular co-worker is often looking out for me.  She knows I’m unhappy with my life and she would like to see me break out of my funk.  Then she said something that really struck a chord with me.

“I feel like I’m stuck in neutral and everyone else is moving past me.” I said.

“Well, no offense, but that’s true.  You aren’t doing anything about it.”  She said.

She wants me to go back to school.  I would like to go back to school, but that would mean continuing to live with my parents.  I’ve hoped to get a new job that pays better so I can move out.   I’m 31.  I hate my life.  I hate living at home.  I’m so embarrassed and afraid to meet new people.  I can’t tell a potential friend or boyfriend that I live at home with my parents, but then again, I can’t move out because I don’t have a job that pays enough for me to live on my own.  If i go back to school and get a Master’s Degree, I could eventually have a job that pays better and doesn’t make me feel ashamed.  I hate being so indecisive.

I’m such a loser. What do I do?



Challenge #1 – Again

The Challenge: During this time period, I resolve to quit smoking for good.

The History: If you have read my past posts, you probably noticed that I have a history of smoking.  Nine years now, save for the 6 weeks I quit back in 2011.  It’s an ugly habit and yet it is so difficult to give up.  Ask most smokers, I’m sure they don’t want to be slaves to cigarettes.  That is exactly what you become, a slave to the almighty tobacco gods.

Lately, I’ve felt the negative effects of my bad habit.  I can’t walk up two flights of stairs without being out of breath.  My teeth, which were once so pretty, are getting that tan tinge to them.  I’m frequently coughing.  So why do I get so much enjoyment out of smoking?

The Benefits: There are numerous benefits to quitting, here’s a list:

  • Better breathing
  • Longer lifespan
  • More attractive outward appearance – whiter teeth, fewer wrinkles, younger skin, no yellow fingers
  • Better ability to do physical activities
  • More money in my wallet
  • Better smelling

There are many more benefits that I don’t have time to list here, I’m sure I will experience these benefits once I’ve put down the butts.

The Plan: Last time I successfully quit smoking, I had tapered off of cigarettes.  I would allow myself so many cigarettes a day and decrease that amount each day.  This time, I purchased an e-cigarette.  For those that aren’t aware, an e-cigarette is a device that resembles a regular cigarette.  There is a liquid inside the e-cig designed to taste like real tobacco (or sometimes fruity flavors). The e-cig is refillable and reusable. The liquid inside does in fact contain nicotine, however, you can lower the dose and eventually buy liquid that has no nicotine. Anyway, one of the components heats and vaporizes the liquid and you are able to inhale/exhale the vapor, essentially mimicking the smoking experience.

The Time Period: This will be an ongoing challenge.  I’m not quite sure how long it will take.  I believe it should be pretty quick, considering that I am replacing cigarettes with a device to simulate smoking.  I still have a pack and a half to smoke, but I anticipate finishing those packs in about two days.

Electronic Cigarette Inhalation

Electronic Cigarette Inhalation (Photo credit: planetc1)

Challenge #1 – Day 13

I have not had a cigarette in two days! I’ve tried to quit multiple times in the past, but this has been the easiest attempt by far. I still long for the taste of a cigarette, but I am able to overcome that urge to smoke.

I’ve already noticed some changes. When I was sitting in the garage today before going into work, I noticed myself yawning. Not just once, but several times. I thought “how can I be this tired, I got plenty of sleep?” Well, it turns out that one of the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal happens to be sleepiness.

I’m in for a treat. In the end though, it will all be worth it!

Challenge #1 – Day 10

I made it to ten days! I’m still smoking, but I have really lowered my intake. Yesterday I had two cigarettes! Today, I’ve had two and I will have one more before bed. I now have four cigs left.

My original plan was to smoke two today, then have one each day for four days, but I’ve decided against that. I can’t prolong it any more. The only way I am going to kick this bad habit is by eliminating the nicotine from my system. This is something I need to do and I’m wasting time. I can’t wait to get the next few days over with!

Marlboro 27s

These will be my last four Marlboro 27s ever.

Challenge #1 – Day 8

I’ve been slacking still. It’s still technically my weekend. Tomorrow I go back to work. As I’ve said before, when I’m not working, I tend to smoke more. It’s just because I’m bored. I smoked about 5 today and I will probably smoke two more before bed. Tomorrow, I hope to be down to 3.

Challenge #1 – Day 6

I slacked off for a few days, there really hasn’t been much to report on. I made it through the last two days without any issues. Today has been different. It’s a weekend day, I don’t have my work to distract me from smoking. I’ve smoked 6 cigarettes today and I know I’ll smoke one more before I go to bed. I know I can do this, I’m just bored. That’s the main reason I smoke, out of boredom. cigarette

Sometimes, I do smoke to alleviate stress. On Thursday, I was driving to work and another driver pissed me off. I have a bit of road rage. ARGH, BAD DRIVERS MAKE ME MAD! After the incident, I wanted a cigarette more than anything. However, I made my 40 minute drive to work without smoking!

Foods can trigger my urge to smoke as well. If you are a smoker, you must know what I’m talking about. Cigarettes go so well with coffee. A cigarette with coffee is like the mashed potatoes and gravy with turkey. They compliment each other.

Cigarettes go hand-in-hand with booze, too. A smoke is so satisfying while I’m drinking beer or liquor. I don’t go out drinking as much as I used to, so I suppose this is good for my cause.

But, I should get back to the issue at hand…I slipped up today. I know that I can do this though, I’m just going to have to try harder.

Challenge #1 – Day 3

So, it’s my third day of this smoking cessation business. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I’ve tapered down my daily cigarette intake each day. Today, I am smoking 6 cigarettes. (FYI: I am a night owl, I go to bed late. It may seem like it should be day 4, however, I do not consider it a new day until after I’ve gone to bed.)

Yesterday, I worked. When I’m working, I don’t smoke as much, it’s just not convenient to have to leave my desk, walk out to the street, and smoke. Today though, it’s been a different story. While I was getting ready for work (and having my first cigarette of the day at 1:00 PM), my supervisor called and offered me the night off. I was more than happy to take her up on her offer! Soon after that, I knew it would be a challenge. How will I make it through this entire day on only 6 cigarettes, without my eight-hour break (work)?

Bucket o' Butts

My "bucket o' butts". It's a metal beer bucket that I use as an ashtray. It's about 3/4 full of cigarettes I've smoked. Gross, huh? I can't wait to get rid of this thing.

I did it though! It is now 12:36 AM and I still have 2 cigarettes left to smoke. I am not experiencing intense cravings. I’m proud of myself. Tomorrow may be a bit of a struggle for me, as my daily ration will be reduced to 5 cigarettes. We shall see…