If you’ve read some posts of mine, you may have noticed that I’m a fan of the HBO show, “Girls”. On Wednesday, I watched the final episode of season 2. I’ll try not to give too much away, but I will say that Adam, the funny and strange former boyfriend of Hannah, inspired my post. His last line in this particular episode, “I was always here”, just made me melt.
It got me thinking about something my therapist once spoke about. Much of my therapy sessions revolve around my inability to find a man. I feel inadequate because men rarely take an interest in me, but that’s beside the point. My therapist asked “What would your ideal partner be like?” And you know what? That was an incredibly hard question to answer!
He said to me “How will you find a man if you don’t know what you’re looking for?”
Now, sometimes, I disagree with my therapist, (for instance, when he says that at this point in my life, I am feeling the need to have a family with children). But, that question made so much sense. I’m constantly lamenting the fact that men don’t like me, but I’ve never given much thought as to what I want in a man who does find me attractive.
This brings me back to “Girls”. Adam, despite all his faults, seemed so perfect when he picked up Hannah-who was close to having a break down-and held her close and said “I was always here”. You have to see the episode to experience the magic.
So without further adieu, I present to you a list of the preferred qualities in my ideal man, along with an explanation if need be:
- Very masculine, no strong feminine side
- Not clingy – Believe it or not, I once dated a guy who was very clingy. He constantly wanted to be with me and would often say “I love you”. Needless to say, I wasn’t into him as much as he was into me. One night, at the popular off-campus bar, I kissed my friend (we have a long history), and realized that this man just wasn’t right for me.
- Close to my age – I feel that I’m immature, therefore I want to date someone who isn’t in his 40s.
- Athletic build with sexy, muscular arms – This is most certainly not a necessity, but a definite plus. In missionary sex, I love feeling his strong arms on both sides of me. Soooo sexy!
- Not super-religious – I don’t care what religion he follows, as long as he doesn’t talk about God all of the time. I’m a lapsed Catholic, I really don’t need to hear you proselytizing.
- Preferably no children
- Likes animals – I like dogs and cats and most other critters. I have a cat, so if he can tolerate her then that’s a definite plus!
- Light eyes – I love blue or green eyes
- Outgoing personality – I’m very shy, so I’d like to meet a man who’ll help me to come out of my shell a bit.
- Similar taste in music
- Similar sense of humor – I believe there are two types of people in this world: those who get Strong Bad emails, and those who don’t. I prefer to hang with the former, we just mesh better.
- No ego
- Likes time away from me
- Is educated – He needs to prove that he’s intelligent, we need to be able to communicate.
- Has full, soft lips – Some may think this to be a feminine trait but I think full lips are sexy on a man.
- Is caring, conscientious, polite, and not demanding.
- He is driven to succeed, but not a workaholic.
- He is not a teetotaler – I don’t drink often, but when I do, I prefer to have my man drink with me.
- He isn’t too “grown up” and is able to get in touch with his inner child.
- Nice teeth
- Level-headed – Because I’m not.
- Not stubborn – I’m very stubborn, from experience, I know that two stubborn people don’t mesh well.
- He’s a beach person – I want to go on vacations with my future boyfriend, preferably to the beach.
- He is not afraid of water/able to swim – Swimming is an important part of my life.
- He doesn’t have long hair.
- He is willing to try different styles/positions in bed, eg., romantic and slow VS rough and fast.
- He likes me when he’s sober and vice versa – When I think back to all of the times that I met a man while I was drunk, it makes me shudder.
- He’s patient, understanding, faithful, and smart.
- He knows sex is a mutual activity and thus, tries to please me as well as himself.
- He likes me whether I have small or large breasts – Currently, I am overweight and very large-chested. The FWB likes my boobs, I know that when I lose weight, he won’t be interested anymore.
- He wants a relationship!
- He is into hand-holding – I think hand-holding can be so sexy.
- He is tall – I’m 5’7½”, typically, men I date are around my height. I want to date a man that I can look up to when I kiss him. I want to feel protected.
- Not metrosexual – is that still a thing?
- He doesn’t take life too seriously
- He is creative.
- He is disease free.
Whew! I know the list is exhaustive and it makes me seem like I expect too much. Let me just clarify that I don’t think a man should possess all of these qualities. Now certain things are must haves, like politeness, similar sense of humor, desire for a relationship, etc. Other characteristics are ideal but not required. For example, I don’t expect my boyfriend to be flawless in the looks department. I’ve been attracted to men because they are funny or sweet, and after spending time with him, I’ll start to notice little physical traits that turn me on.
Now that I’ve completed my list, I can say with confidence that I know what I am looking for in a man. It’s the first step to actually finding him.